shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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