I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
