About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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