I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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