This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
