I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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