he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
