I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
