nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
