I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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