C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
