Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
