My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
