you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
