I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
why is half of my head shaved?
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