I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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