wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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