This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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