I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
