Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
