He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
