His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
