nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
