Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
