someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
