dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
