OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think people are normalizing furries
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