Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
