I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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