Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
