last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
