i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
