I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
