Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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