Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
