Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
