my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
