You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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