So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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