I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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