Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
