i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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