What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
