Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
