I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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