You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We left the knife in your bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
