3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
