I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
