The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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