Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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