Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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