where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
