umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
